Open Letter to Wells Fargo: I’m Not Here to Rob You

Dressed for Cold

Dear Wells Fargo Bank Security Guard,

I don’t know if you have noticed, but it is cold outside, very cold.  Despite this weather, I choose to ride a bicycle as my main form of transportation, especially for local errands like running to the bank.

On my three most recent trips to deposit checks into your vestibule ATM I was dressed like this (see picture).  Also on each of the three trips your security guard happened to wander from his seat inside the bank into the vestibule and then outside, at the time that I happened to be in and exiting the building.

I commend you on your diligence in keeping the bank safe, but rest easy, I am not going to rob you, it just takes a lot to get all the gear on and off.


This entry was posted in Humor, Twin Cities Cyclist, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

67 Responses to Open Letter to Wells Fargo: I’m Not Here to Rob You

  1. Bahahaha! Love it … I’m sure they needed the clarification!


  2. auntbethany says:

    Ha! This is great. Maybe if you donned a cape, they would think you’re just a masked hero traipsing about town, and they’d leave you alone!

    Kudos on being FP!

  3. Sara Kerr says:

    Maybe you should give him a copy of today’s Strib!

  4. The Perfectly Imperfect One says:

    LOL NICE! Congrats on being Freshly Pressed 🙂

  5. hunter71 says:

    LOL That is so funny! Lets hope he doesn’t have his had on his gun when you walk by…You don’t want any accidents! Hunter71 🙂

  6. humanitarikim says:

    Maybe you should carry a sign? ahaha

  7. James says:

    Maybe put some Kevlar under your bibs just for good measure?

  8. Neal Skorpen says:

    hooray, a bicycle blog!
    I admire your commitment in such a harsh climate. If only banks did the same…

  9. midnitechef says:

    Funny post, and congrats on FP! Security guards actually getting up from a chair? That’s rare 😛

  10. hahaha. amazing…but i have to be honest, can you really blame the security guys? just dont put on a crazy nun uniform a la the town!

  11. Now that you’ve established the perfect alibi, maybe you should rob the institution… seems to me you’ve got your “In”
    😉 ~J

  12. Catherine says:

    Hilarious. I have go admit, you’d probably make me look twice too!

  13. jule1 says:

    Funny! I think the suggested cape addition would be a great touch! Since your efforts are heroic, you probably deserve super-status.

  14. bigsheepcommunications says:

    Wonder what would happen if you tried to stroll through airport security like that? Congrats on being Freshly Pressed!

  15. janet says:

    Love the photo – I’m a biker too, although I haven’t been able to get up the nerve to bicycle to work in the dark on a highway (the only way to get here) where the speed limit is 50 mph and there is no divider between the cars and the road shoulder.

  16. While this may seem strange to you, it is actually quite reasonable: Someone with a masked face is disproportionally likely to be a robber—and if the guards were to ignore you, then a robber would simply dress in the same outfit and pretend to be an innocent biker until the time comes to draw his gun or to deliver a threatening note.

  17. Maybe if you took the eye protection off…

  18. Anya says:

    I can totally relate, though not so much to the security guard suspicion, as to how cold it gets riding your bike in the winter time! Which is somewhat counter-intuitive: you’d think that pedaling vigorously would warm you up…but no, the wind-chilld factor cancels all of that and makes riding a lot colder than walking, even in the relatively mild winters of Houston. Our car recently died and we’ve been riding since. Apart from the cold, it’s been an awesome experience ,.

  19. dearliv says:

    Here in Oregon, I bike/run in the dumping rain. When I walk into the bank, they pull out the “caution: wet floor” sign. Thanks for the giggle. I have two older sisters who are transplanted in Minneapolis. I miss them dearly and love anything that makes me feel a little more connected to them. Happy Cycling.

  20. Phil says:

    As a former Wisconsinite, Yooper, and avid winter cyclist, I can relate. To make matters worse, I would always wear a Psolar balaclava. I love the thing, but it definitely notches up the stares. Check it out at

  21. You are my new best friend. Bahahahaha:)

  22. Ken says:

    Congrats on the FP, I love the pics of the Ice Race!
    I have a cycling/bike racing blog about where I live in Houston. The weather is a little different, and by that I mean that I rode to work a week ago with only my bibs and jersey on!

  23. Kim says:

    This is the reason I don’t miss the midwest cold!

  24. hmunro says:

    I commend your fortitude. Between the cold and the 8-foot snowbanks and the black ice, you couldn’t *pay* me to hop on my bike today.

    But that big blue balaclava’s gotta go: As important as it is to cover one’s breathing parts, no one wants to look like the love child of a Stormtrooper and a Smurf.

    Might I recommend a festive mountain-man beard as an alternative?

    I can’t guarantee that you’ll fare any better with the security guards, but it’s worth a shot.

    Congrats on being Freshly Pressed!

  25. Abigail says:

    I look rather similar, since I ride all over my town in South Dakota. (We aren’t as cold as you, nor have we gotten as much snow, but you know… I still have to dress up like -> .) Whenever I walk into a bank, I always fear that they will think I’m about to rob them. The strange thing is I walked into class earlier this week and my teacher said something along the lines of, “Hey, Abigail, you look like the abominable snowman.” 😀

  26. anonnickus says:

    Banking is child’s play. Bike to the airport and try boarding your flight dressed that way. And try quacking like a duck without being one to see if they let you join their V formation. Thanks for pointing out so humoursly that so often we judge others by their looks and not the kindness in their hearts. When Wells Fargo arms their guards with mind reading scanners we will be much safer. Thanks for the thought provoking post.

  27. Tanya says:

    I don’t know if you have noticed, but banks are being robbed a lot lately. Despite this economy, some people choose to rob banks as their main form of revenue, especially for local purchases like new tvs, electronics, and drugs.

    On my three most recent security gigs (I’m a part time security guard), I was armed and ready to do my job. Also on each of the three gigs a masked man happened to walk into the ATM vestibule near the entrance to my bank.

    I commend these men on their diligence in appearing to be just cold, not a robber; but rest easy, after I shot them, I’m not going to feel guilty about doing it, ’cause I’m not falling for that disguise. 😉

  28. makingup3000 says:

    Haha…but you do like you’re going to rob the bank!! And bikes are easy get aways….they can go where cars can’t and you can ditch them fast. Too funny. You definitely are a risk taker.

  29. cadsview says:

    Love it! Well at least you now know that the security guard is doing his job. Congrats on being freshly pressed.

  30. rtcrita says:

    That’s too funny! How kind of you to fill them in on the “why” of the situation. You probably gave the security guard a near heart attact to think he might actually have to do something should you attempt to rob the bank!
    Truth be told, you would probably scare me, too, if I were even just another customer trying to cash a check or something in the bank. Maybe you could talk immediately upon entering the bank and say “Hi” to people and wave and act very friendly, asking how their day’s going, etc. Or at least try to “smile” with your eyes!

  31. milieus says:

    I hope someone from there reads this. Please send it to them!

  32. Aurian says:


    Wait… What’s so funny? Back home in Canada the entire population spends 6 months looking that this ;-).

  33. Asian Dyna says:

    Very funny. But I commend you more for braving the cold in a bicycle.
    Cheers! 🙂

  34. zephyrliving says:

    Originally from Iowa, I have many memories of being freezing cold standing outside waiting for the bus, etc. I got an e-mail from a friend today, “Diary of a snow shoveler – 3 more inches falling now.” It’s hysterical, I’ll share a little taste of it with you and hope you laugh, “December 22

    “Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white shit fell today, and it’s so cold, it probably won’t melt till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to piss. By the time I got undressed, pissed and dressed again, I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plough on his truck for the rest of the winter, but he says he’s too busy. I think the asshole is lying.”

    Stay warm, and in my city, we have notices on the doors about removing your sunglasses and ski masks, just in case ; ) Peace, T.

  35. Snuffster says:

    i don’t just like this. i love this!
    here in humid singapore, we’ll definitely be stopped by security if we were seen in this at the bank…

  36. melissakoski says:

    Simply hilarious. And bravo for travelling by bike in the midwest.


  37. ahahaha. i cant believe that actually happened. that just made my day. :]

  38. Jean says:

    I can imagine…you are like a cycling ninja!

  39. Anyone would know that the lack of the Richard Nixon mask is a dead give away that you’re not a bank robber…sheesh!

  40. Jean says:

    By coincidence I’ve been running a poll on my blog for past while, on winter cycling. So join us! At least you probably wheelie slug it out in deeper snow than I would. From 300 kms. north of the Canada-U.S. border.

  41. sulfurlad says:

    Hahaha, that’s awesome. 🙂 What’s the weather like down there? Up here in Calgary it’s been -10 to 0 C, but last week it was down in the -20 C range. My face looked as bundled up as yours. And yes, it takes a lot to get out of that getup. 🙂

  42. wow. i cant belive the security at a bank could be so stupid. :p

  43. Loved the photo. Makes sense that the security guard would think you were trying to rob the bank, but he should also not jump to conclusions and he should also think that were he the one going to deposit checks, he would be dressed in much the same way as you are. 🙂
    Congratulations on being Freshly Pressed!
    Ashley, aka TheEverydayMuser

  44. whenquiet says:

    My dear cyclist, excuse the pun, but I get followed even in normal attire, and it has nothing to do with my beauty:-) One gets accustomed….Keep on keepin’ on! Stay warm!

  45. LOL!! Maybe you should wear a sign around your neck saying “I am not here to rob you”…lol…. but seriously, I can see why you need to cover up properly, the wind chill must be well…. freezing….

  46. I’m surprised they let you in the bank dressed like though. Very funny stuff :)! K

  47. SaltyBill says:

    Glad you are still alive! Keep an eye on those Wells Fargo guys…

  48. Congrats on being FP! Thank you for making me LOL!

  49. gatehouse13 says:

    Congrats on Freshly Pressed and a huge relief to know there are other cyclists out there ready to take on the snow. I live in Copenhagen and so everyone assumes we live with masses of snow and polar bears each winter – snow sometimes, polar bears never. But evens the Danes think I have totally lost the plot when I head out on my bike in the feet of snow we’ve had this winter – there again they have to stop smirking at my perceived insanity when they realise the cars are in a jam, the buses are in the same jam, you can’t walk on the sidewalk without falling over and so us intrepid cyclists are the only ones getting anywhere!!

  50. Stila Webb says:

    LOL I love it. I’m in New England and I have an 85lb dog who’s part husky. I dress the same way just to walk him. Ski pants, ski goggles (because my sunglasses fog up horribly), my ninja mask and a heavy hat. Not an inch of skin is visible. I get really strange looks from the cars going by, but see if you wouldn’t dress like this to stand in snow up to your knees for half an hour…

    I think I’ll go to the bank like that next time, just for fun. ^_^

  51. minnesotatransplant says:

    I used to live in Minnesota. Anyone who rides their bike in January in Minnesota has courage (or possibly no brains, but since you can write, I’ll assume you are very brave). Good for you!

  52. Carl Vigilante says:

    Funny, I ride too in the winter but take all my layers off when I enter the bank because the tellers are so slow and the bank so warm I’d be drenched with sweat. Also, It must be different in a city, in this small town the bank knows me well by my biking get-up disguise that only gives my identity away.

  53. saldb says:

    It’s unpredictable what kind of character is visiting the bank, especially in that attire.

    Keep doing it! It makes me laugh a lot…

  54. 4myskin says:

    HAHAHA! I’m going to assume this is written tongue in cheek. 😉 Congrats on being Freshly Pressed!

  55. Pingback: Top Five CTC Posts in January | Cycle Twin Cities

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